23 August 2016

Recently, I said I was returning to university in September. Now...it's not happening. Quickly changed my mind, right? Well, yes and no. To be truthful, it's been on my mind for quite a while. I suppose the other post was me trying to realise that being clueless about stuff isn't bad. When I really got thinking about it (aka the only thing I seem to be good at) there was the realisation that whilst I would have a BA once I graduated, I wouldn't actually be happy. I'd have a piece of paper that cost me a stupid amount of money that I'll never pay back entirely because it's likely I'll never have the crazy amount of funds to do so. And that genuinely made me feel quite sad. Although some people can deal with that kind of pressure fine, I'm one of those that can't. Well, not in education anyway. The entire course would consist of me stressing out, and then thinking I'm not understanding it properly (seriously, I spend so much time reading stuff trying to understand it correctly because my Dyslexia somehow makes me misread things constantly, it annoys me, and I know in turn that annoys lecturers!)

I've come to the realisation that I need to care about myself and my happiness instead of doing something 'just because'. And that's why I'm backing out of this final year of uni. Many people said that I could always do it and quit if it wasn't what I wanted. But I've always stood by the belief that you need to go with your gut (and heart or whatever you trust in the body department) and be happy. So what if people judge you? That's all they ever seem to do. I want to live my life in a way that I'm happy with, and push myself to the limit I know I can reach, without the stress of writing a dissertation and god knows what else. And for me? That's doing my photography.

We need to stop living life in a way that is trying to impress other people. The person we need to be impressing is ourselves. (I need to stick that on a greetings card, don't you think?) It's true though. We're number one. We're the top dog in our lives and I think that people don't realise this. Live life for yourself...y'know?

Are there any instances where you've listened to your gut, and it turned out to be the best decision?

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