CLUELESS

07 August 2016


As kids, we have these dreams of what careers we want when we're older, right? For me, I wanted to be an archeologist. No idea where it flourished from, I just thought it would be cool to find dinosaurs, and things from the past, and for future generations to know what the earth was like many moons ago. Damn, that's deep thinking for a kid...anyway, you can probably tell that it never panned out. Mainly because when I was in secondary school, I realised just how much I sucked at history - my memory was/is terrible and I can't remember dates in history to save my life.

Also, there is this clear moment in my life at secondary school, where we had to create a trench?? Like, craft one ourselves, and take into our history lesson. Anyway, I went out, spent a fair bit on chicken wire (why is that making me laugh so much? The thought of spending loads of money on chicken wire?) and lord knows what else...basically I was really proud with what I had created, and when we had to show them? My teacher basically laughed at mine, and that marked the end of my archeology dreams. Looking back, it was a terrible thing I created...it looked like a half-hearted skate park. But at the time, it was upsetting, you know?


So yes, I don't think I was ever destined to be an archeologist. As I got older, I became even more clueless as to what career I wanted. Then I came across photography whilst at college and fell in love with it...then proceeded to fall into television production and studied that in hopes of working behind the scenes of shows. The events towards the end of last year regarding my mental health kind of knocked my confidence and put all of that on one hell of a hold. To be honest, it put everything on hold - not that there was anything happening in the first place. And you know what? I'm just as clueless now as to what I want, as I was when I left school nine years ago (holy mother of cream cheese, it's been NINE years?)

Everything is thrown at you as though you must be successful in some shape or form, by a certain age. If you aren't holidaying, dating someone, or buying the latest 'in thing', then something is obviously going wrong in your life. That you are a failure because you aren't keeping up with the Joneses. It's a mindset, a train of thought that we need to stop, because I feel it's so freakin' damaging, and stops us from enjoying our lives. We all know that life doesn't go how we plan, and how quickly things change. So just because it's not on the scene right now, doesn't mean that an opportunity that comes from something mundane or simple, isn't hiding around the corner...you could be in the moment and not even realise because you are worrying so much (this is something I definitely do too much of - worrying without meaning to, and that overtaking anything I should actually enjoy).

We need to realise that having those moments in life where things have halted, or you are plodding along in routine for a whole isn't bad at all. Surely being happy is what comes first? Of course, doing something you love that makes you truly happy would be the dream for us all...but don't beat yourself up if they aren't running alongside one another. I am sure as hell that there are things I would love to be doing, but can't because of things like money, and my confidence at the moment. But they'll be down the road, it'll happen - and the journey is just as important as the destination.

Basically, we need to give ourselves a pat on the back for what we've already achieved, and what we go through each day. Smug folks who exclaim that life is easy and that people need to stop whining, they need to get into the nearest bin. Life is hard! We put a lot of pressure on ourselves and feel that if we don't achieve things, that we're failures. And that's not the case at all. We're awesome. We're rocking. We're here and we need to chill out and make the most of the time on this planet.

The tumbleweed has been making it's way around these parts as I've only posted 3 times, within the last 30 days which isn't necessarily great for the blog, as it's something I want to stick at, and create new content, grow both this little space of mine, and learn more things about myself through my own writing, and others.

But you know what? I've suddenly become relaxed about many aspects of my life. Blogging included. In some parts it's probably not a good idea, and I've become a little too relaxed - for example, I should really be writing my brief for my dissertation for when I start uni in September.  Yet I am still pondering on just what it should be about. Yes! My memory is horrendous and I don't know if I've already mentioned it, but I'm going back to uni in September, to do photography! 

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