THE LONELINESS OF NOT FITTING IN

27 April 2016

This isn't a post to say 'oh look at me, I'm so different and edgy and think I am so cool'. Because I don't. Far from that to be truthful...if anything I'm just a bit of a bloody weirdo who accidentally snort laughs way too often. Ever since I can remember, it's always felt as though I don't fit in anywhere? At school, I was seen as the teacher's pet because I liked getting to class early (a stickler for time and hate being late anywhere...even on time! Like to be early to places). At school, college and uni I definitely just gravitated to any people that would be fine with me tagging along.


Now, some people will be able to relate to this, I'm sure. Others who were almost...the head of friendship groups or a little more involved, it will be harder to understand how this feels. The thing is - yes, they are your friends, but considering I had friends? I don't have many memories of going places, doing stuff with them. I always felt like the outsider. Can probably count on my hands, the amount of times I was asked to things.

Leading on from that, it's not great when you are literally terrified of throwing yourself into social situations of people you aren't entirely comfortable or yourself with. There are literally 1-3 people I genuinely feel like that with. This isn't some sympathy post. I know I need to woman up and push myself into new situations if I want to change certain aspects of my life (cause who is going to necessarily meet a potential partner when they can't even summon up a decent sentence?) Over the years, through my teens I have constantly thought 'Oh god I'm such a freak...why the hell can't I just do it? Why can't I hang out with 'friends'? What the hell is up with me?'

I suppose what I am trying to get at is that if you also feel as though you are in the same boat, you aren't alone. Even if it feels like it (it most definitely feels like it), we'll all find a way to come out of our shell. We just have different ways of being social. For me? It's seeing those friends that I may only see a few times a year because of where we live and plans not aligning unless we plan months in advance, or at the last minute. It is seeing a play. It's doing things on a whim. That's what works for me, and it may do so for you as well.

To those of you who are a little more social please teach me your ways and also be very patient, take this as a chance to think why someone may say no to you if you invite them out. Most of the time, it's not you, it's me (or whoever you are asking). Cliche as hell, but true. Don't force someone, and keep asking them as it makes them feel as though they're in the wrong, and peer pressure isn't a fun thing, we all know that! People have their reasons why, and the less you pressure someone, then they're likely to have a bit more respect for you. For example - I don't drink. I'm used to people being a bit confused as to why I don't touch the stuff at all. But it gets tiring when people continue to hound you.

Sure, it sucks being a bit of a loner, but it works for some of us. What I'm attempting, and attempting to say is that if you feel like this, it's not a bad thing, okay? There are so many people in this world that have strange little quirks, questionable habits or hobbies. Don't beat yourself up over it.

This is just another thing that makes you, you. 

16 comments

  1. This is such a great post! I totally feel the same way, I've always been on the outside of my little friend group. It's nice to know that there are other people who've been through similar things ♥
    Amy xx

    Little Moon Dragon

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  2. Great post, it's refreshing. I'm a loner, and I've always felt like an outsider growing up because I never really "fit in" with any sort of group. I had friends from many different groups, but I didn't really find a true group of friends that I felt very comfortable with until I was 20.
    Blue Jazzmin

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  3. I get this so much, and I'm glad that you've written something so honest. I've always been a loner too, and though I have moments where I crave a social life, there are still times where I'm asked out to something, and I just can't handle it. I wish more people understood that. This post is wonderful.

    Amber | y a c h t s m a a n

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  4. This is a great post Meg! I know exactly what you mean about having friends at school but never actually doing anything with them cos a lot of the time I was the same. Personally, I think I'm just a bit of a lone wolf, I'm happier doing my own thing and *yes* I'm a bit weird but I'm okay with that :)

    Thanks for writing this, Jess
    alrightblondie.com

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  5. I LOVE this Meg, it just hit right on the heart. I never made friends in school, I sat with Noor throughout the school years. I talked a hell lot in class but I never let my guards down enough to let someone in and be my friend. I knew I was a weirdo but I didn't want anyone to find it out. I made a group of friends in college and I am the worst friend in the group (who doesn't reply to the group chats) but I'm glad they keep up with me happily (GOD BLESS THEM) I still rather to be alone, make art or read or write.

    xo,
    Not Your Type Blog

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  6. I love love love this! I was always someone who didn't make friends in school till later on as I was always the odd one! I don't let it bother me anymore, I have made friends with odd people like me and they are the best ones!
    Fix Me In Forty Five - A Beauty & Lifestyle Blog
    Blog Lovin' // Instagram
    xx

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  7. I love this!!! I've always been a loner and I used to hate it in school and college! I always wondered what was wrong with me. Why I couldnt make or keep friends. I would maybe have a friend for a short period then they would either move or made new and funner friends. I guess I'm an odd ball haha but it's made me independent, able to make my own happiness. I tend to be very quiet and can't open up freely like others. I've never seem to fit in with others! But when I do ooooh people will know haha! I'm a ball of loudness and randomness! I'm still hoping one day I can fit in with someone but for now I'll keep being happy alone!

    Jasmine :)
    colorubold.com

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  8. I loved reading this Meg! Part of the reason why I'm an online generation girl is because I felt like I never fitted it anywhere else. I actually just scrapped a post last night that was on a similar topic, dammit! My friends at school were what most people would refer to as the outcasts and we banded together, but even then, before I delved in to that group, I was often the quiet, shy, nonentity that would be forgotten about until everybody arrived at school on Monday and realised I'd never been invited to their cool digs at the weekend. As a total introvert too though, I would just sit at home and tell myself that I'd 'probably be exhausted by it anyway' and let it slide. Actually even nowadays I'm often forgotten about in group plans or I become the very last back-up, but I just channel my energy into the very select few that do remember me and cherish my loner tendencies! So much food for thought from this post, Meg! xx

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  9. A very brave and honest post.
    I have a few friends who don't drink and/or are more introverted and I always think about what I'm asking them to join in on. It can be really tough if you feel crappy in large social situations, I tend to break off into smaller groups or speak to a select few people to avoid the discomfort.

    Also, I think you'd fit in with me just fine if we met in person!

    Jenna
    xxx

    | princessparasox.wordpress.com | bloglovin' |

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  10. You are inspirational, don't ever change for anyone! Please check out my latest lookbook challenge.

    Kisses xo | From Aliona With Love

    Instagram alionawithlove

    Twitter alionawithlove

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  11. This post is so relatable Meg - trust me, you're not alone. I was a huge loner at school due to my social anxiety and general "weirdness" and it really got me down, I felt like I was just so terrible that no one must want to be around but in reality I was just shy! Luckily I had a small but amazing close group who I'm still friends with now, however just like you I only have 3 "proper" friends. Just remember that it's okay not to fit in, because individuality is beautiful and anyone who's worth knowing will see that xx
    britishmermaid.blogspot.co.uk

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  12. This is such a comforting post for me. I'm coming to the end of my year abroad and it's quite hard to make a big group of friends for me, so at times I feel like I'm a loner when really I just don't like to hang out with huge groups and get involved with that drama!

    I've mentioned this in my new favourites post it's fab! :)

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  13. Your really not alone in this, there are so many people who feels this way. :) It's so important to accept ourselves, all qualities :)

    Memoir Of IK - Fashion & Lifestyle blogger

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  14. ah god! I moved city recently and it's weird being an adult and not really knowing how to make friends or feeling like you don't really fit in with people. It's nice to know there's others out there :)

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  15. I loved reading this, thank you so much for sharing and being so honest. I really relate to the feeling of not fitting in, and even though I have a great group of friends now, I still often feel like an outsider. I'm definitely finding it easier as I get older to embrace my differences, but it's a constant learning curve! It's always comforting to hear other people feel the same way :)

    Also, slightly off topic, but I love these photos - they really remind me of Maya Derren's Meshes of the Afternoon. Very cool.

    Maria x
    Moore of this

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  16. Very comforting post! You're not as alone as you think you are xo

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